Thoughts on gender preference

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Whenever someone finds out you’re pregnant, one of the first questions they’re likely to ask is “is it a boy or a girl?” or “are you going to find out?”. Our 20 week scan is rapidly approaching and after much discussion we’ve agreed that we would like to find out the sex of our baby if possible. Which has got me thinking, do I have a gender preference?

When I was pregnant with Max, I was convinced I was having a girl. All the old wives tales pointed towards a girl – the severe sickness, the fast heart beat, the cravings for sweet things, the high bump. And I have to admit that my preference was for a girl. I come from a family of girls and I felt that I would know more instinctively how to be a mother to a girl. But now I realise that as soon as your baby is placed into your arms, whether they’re a boy or girl is the furthest thing from your mind. And once you’ve met them, it seems like they could never have been anyone else – it was like I’d known Max for years, like he’d always been a part of my life.

This time around though, my feelings are more confused! I definitely don’t have a preference this time around – there are pros and cons to both (boy = we have lots of clothes already, girl = I probably don’t need to redecorate my office to be a nursery!). But I think when anyone who is already a parent considers having another child, you picture a little replica of your first in your mind – for me, another little blond haired boy running around. You love your child so much that you want to do it all over again, and because you have that visual reference, that’s what your mind imagines. Of course, I realise that they’ll be their own person. The likelihood of my husband and I, both dark haired, dark eyed, having another blond haired blue eyed little one is pretty slim, even putting gender and personality similarities aside. But your existing child is your only visual marker for what your next child might look like, so it’s natural to imagine them being similar.

On the other hand I would like to experience being a mum to a girl. It’s highly unlikely that we’ll have a third child as I find pregnancy very hard going, so this next child will be our last. I have a wonderful relationship with my Mum, and there are things that we enjoy doing together that I’d love to do with a daughter when they’re older (Max has already revealed his distaste for shopping!). But I think it would be nicer for Max to have a little brother – I can picture them both running around together, having fun (or more likely, having a blazing row, I’m not totally naive!). But I suspect that’s just my own feeling from having a little sister who I get on really well with. After all, there’s nothing to say that a sister and a brother can’t be just as close as two brothers or two sisters? I know plenty of brothers who don’t get on, and plenty of brothers and sisters who get on wonderfully. And certainly at the moment Max is equally happy playing with either boys or girls, so I don’t think he would have a particular preference.

Did you have a gender preference? I’d love to hear your thoughts below.

Two Tiny Hands
Cuddle Fairy
38 Comments
  • This Mum's Life
    January 17, 2017

    I won’t lie, I was incredibly disappointed when my second was another boy… I know it can be a massive taboo to admit that, but I’ve always been honest about it!! I’m a very girly girl, and felt I never related to boys. Although I make every effort to play superheroes and nurture their clear interest in football, I mourn that I’ll never go clothes and makeup shopping, or see a first ballet lesson in a pink tutu (and with my mum an ex musical theatre performer, and me an ex competitive dancer, I always thought ballet would be inevitable!) And boys seem a lot more distant as adults-most of the ones I know spend a lot of time with their wife’s family, and not a lot with their own!! I get pangs of wanting a girl constantly, and think I always will! But obviously it doesn’t take away from how much I love my boys and how precious they are-I’d just have loved a girl too x

    • Katy | Hot Pink Wellingtons
      January 17, 2017

      It’s definitely a taboo and I’m not sure why – I think it’s perfectly understandable that people might have a preference one way or another. People will be PC and say that there’s no reason why a boy won’t go shopping with you, or do ballet, but realistically, it’s not as likely is it? It’s an interesting point about men and how much they see of their family – in my experience I think it depends on what the relationship was like before they left home. If it was close then, then it will continue to be close. I’d like to think that will be the case for us anyway!

  • Laura @dearbearandbeany
    January 17, 2017

    I totally get this! When I was pregnant the first time I secretly wanted a girl for all the reasons you did and then I was blessed with Alice. When I was pregnant the second time I also secretly wanted a girl, I wanted Alice to have a sister. I always wanted a sister myself and as an adult I see friends with sisters and I love that they ‘do’ things together. Much like brothers do to. I have a brother who I love and growing up we played together all the time and he put up with me tagging along a lot. We are still close and I see him a lot. But we don’t ‘do’ things together. He does things with my husband and I do thinks with my SIL, as I guess that is natural. But I now am left wondering what the love of a son would be like, people say it’s different to a girl and I will never know. So for me honestly I am just glad that I never had to make the decision and that I was always meant to be a mum to two gorgeous girls x

    • Katy | Hot Pink Wellingtons
      January 18, 2017

      Ah, you just totally suit being a mum to girls though Laura! I definitely love that close bond that comes with two siblings of the same sex – not always of course, I can think of numerous instances where they’re not close, but in general.

  • Fi - Beauty Baby and Me
    January 18, 2017

    Great post chick and one I think many will be able to relate to! Like you I had all the signs during pregnancy to be having a girl but then out came little Josh! I’d love the next one to be a girl but I think I’d be happy either way. As long as the baby is healthy and happy, and so are you, that’s all that matters xxx #bloggerclubuk

    • Katy | Hot Pink Wellingtons
      January 18, 2017

      Thanks Fi – that’s exactly how I feel really! I’m glad I’m not the only one out there with rather rubbish intuition when it comes to these things!

  • The Mama Story
    January 18, 2017

    First time we didn’t find out (which drove me mad towards the end of pregnancy) though I had a preference for a girl and we did have a baby girl. Second time round I had a preference for a boy as I liked the idea of one of each and had heard that described as the “perfect family” (eye roll). We did find out, but didn’t tell anyone, and I still remember the sonographer saying “It looks like you are having another girl”. “Another” girl not something exciting and different (how I felt) but another one of what we already had. It took me a few weeks to get used to it. By the time she arrived I was totally over the moon with having a new baby girl though some people said that we’d have to have another one so we could try for a boy (another eye roll). I do feel a tinge sometimes that my husband won’t have a boy to take to football matches but that is rather stereotypical and what’s to say the girls won’t want to watch football. My girls are 5 and 2 now and I think that my pair of sisters are the best thing ever and I am so pleased that they both get to have a sister. I’m pretty sure I would think whichever combination we had was the “perfect family” and that’s the way it should be. We’re incredibly lucky to have healthy children who bring us so much joy.

    Good luck with your scan!

    • Katy | Hot Pink Wellingtons
      January 18, 2017

      Thank you! There is definitely something appealing about one of each, but also the relationship between two sisters is so so special. You’re right, I’m sure whatever we end up with I’ll think it’s perfect for us!

  • Donna Wishart
    January 18, 2017

    I couldn’t imagine anything other than another Athena. Then, when he was a boy – we didn’t find out until birth – it was such a shock – and a wonderful surprise. But even now, I’m a little sad that Athena won’t have a sister. I had no preference at all, either would have been lovely and there’s always something you’re not going to have – the relationship between two boys is so different to a boy and a girl for example x

    • Katy | Hot Pink Wellingtons
      January 18, 2017

      I think that’s my real struggle too – I really find it hard not to just picture another Max! And its so true that there is always going to be something you don’t have – even if you have one of each, your children won’t experience a brother-brother or sister-sister relationship, unless you try for another one. And even then, one of them in going to miss out! You can never have it all, it’s just about seeing the positives of the cards your dealt I guess.

  • Helen Sandle
    January 18, 2017

    Oh I never had a gender preference with my three. It’s such an exciting time though being pregnant and the not knowing – only a few months and your little family will be complete – boy or girl and when they are born you will not imagine your family any other way – it will just be perfect because it is yours xx #FamilyFun

  • Amy Downes
    January 18, 2017

    I have imagined having a little boy called Harry for years and years and I can’t explain the joy I felt the day I found out he was a little boy. I would love to have a little girl too, but I definitely hadon’t a preference for this first one.

    This is a lovely post and so well explained #ukbloggerclub

  • Babies, biscuits and booze
    January 18, 2017

    Eeee it’s so exciting! We didn’t find out last time and I’m actually pregnant again (15 weeks, haven’t got round to blogging about it yet!) and we are going to have another surprise. Like you I think I’ll be thrilled either way – if I have a girl it’s something different and we will have one of each, if it’s a boy I hope they’d be really close and we already have everything. Also, on my husband’s side of the family there’s 5 granddaughters and my son is the only boy, so it might be nice for him to have another boy to balance it a little!
    I was closer to my sisters when I was younger but I’m actually probably closest to my brother now, so I think that can go either way. #FamilyFun

    • Katy | Hot Pink Wellingtons
      January 18, 2017

      Aww, congratulations! It’s great when you can see the upsides to either – I genuinely think whatever the answer we’ll be thrilled!

  • kristin mccarthy
    January 18, 2017

    I thought each one was a boy- four girls… Would not change a thing 🙂
    #familyfun

  • Mary Ligon Spann Peterson
    January 18, 2017

    I completely understand your thoughts on Max having a little brother to run around with! What a lovely image! Having said that, I have always felt that a boy with a little sister has a tenderness and protective instinct that can not be achieved any other way! Regardless, God will give you the child you are MEANT to have and you will be so in love all over again. I’m so so happy for you! xx
    #FamilyFun

  • Katy | Hot Pink Wellingtons
    January 18, 2017

    I think pregnancy is such a big unknown that you can’t help playing out all those scenarios! There are so few things we can know and so much possibility stretching out your mind goes a bit crazy!

  • Jeremy Barnes
    January 18, 2017

    I was hoping for a boy but have found there is very little that my daughter isn’t willing to do with me. All the hikes, playing catch ect that I was hoping for are all here anyway. Still would be nice, but not enough to start again! #familyfun

  • Sarah Stockley
    January 19, 2017

    When I was pregnant with my first I was convinced I’d have a boy (I really wanted a girl) I think in my head I’d convinced myself it would be a boy so when we had our 20 week scan and fund out it was a girl I was really shocked. Second (another girl) we were really happy but everybody kept saying oh dear you’ll have to try again for a boy. Third time (boy) would have been happy with 3 girls but overjoyed!! We found out with each at 20 weeks. How exciting. Sarah #sharingthebloglove

    • Katy | Hot Pink Wellingtons
      January 20, 2017

      I’ve never understood the whole ‘try again for a X’ thing! I think 3 of the same would be lovely! And equally lovely if the third was different. I love finding out – I’m terrible for waiting for surprises, I love to know!

  • gemma pepper
    January 19, 2017

    I’ve never had any gender preferences until recently, 1 girl 2 boys and I say i don’t want anymore….. but if I could have a girl I would !! I miss the pink now Hollie is 14 and wears thrasher and topshop.. no longer a girly girl haha.
    #SharingTheLoveBlog

    • Katy | Hot Pink Wellingtons
      January 20, 2017

      Haha, there’s no predicting really, is there? I went through a very ungirly phase in my teenage years – I reverted a few years later though 🙂

  • Alison @ Five Little Stars
    January 19, 2017

    Like you, we had a boy first. When I was pregnant with our second, my husband desperately wanted it to be another boy so they could grow up as best buddies. I convinced myself of this too but when we had a girl I was secretly overjoyed. Turns out my kids are best buddies anyway and gender doesn’t matter. Such an exciting time for you all x #SharingTheLoveBlog

  • Crummy Mummy
    January 19, 2017

    I’m expecting number three and we already have a girl and a boy. I really don’t mind but Misery Guts wants another girl as he thinks they’re easier! #familyfun

    • Katy | Hot Pink Wellingtons
      January 20, 2017

      It’s funny, I’ve heard different people say both boys and girls are easier! I think it probably just depends on your personal experience. Not long to go for you now!!

  • Sara
    January 19, 2017

    I have 3 children, and we always chose to find out. With our first, we were convinced he was a boy from the onset, and we weren’t surprised to know that he was. With my second, I think I was relieved to find out he was a boy, because it made it all a lot easier. With our third, I knew this was our chance to have a girl, and I did think it was going to be a girl. When, at the 20 week scan, the sonographer said it was a boy, my husband said he knew it, I asked her if she was sure. 3 boys. I left the room feeling shocked, but found myself smiling to myself. 3 boys 🙂 We are not planning to have a fourth child, but if we did, I think I’m too far into being a mum of boys to ever having a girl. I’d be terrified to have one! I wouldn’t know where to start, so I’d most definitely want a boy. I love what you say though, that the minute you hold your baby, it just doesn’t matter anymore. I never felt that I guess, as I always knew in advance and in a way, I guess deep down having boys must have been my preference, especially after my first boy. Wish you all the best with the rest of your pregnancy! #BloggersClubUK

  • Tara at After The Rain
    January 19, 2017

    We found out as soon as we could with Freya. I didn’t think I was bothered but I was quite pleased when she turned out to be a girl. Hope it all goes well. #SharingTheBlogLove

  • Tammymum
    January 19, 2017

    Ooh it’s such a conversation piece isn’t it. Firstly congratulations lovey I didn’t know you were pregnant! If I am honest I wanted one of each, always have and I consider myself unbelievably lucky to have one of each as we won’t be having a third child either. I always wanted a mummy’s boy but equally wanted a girl best friend daughter situation. BUT had innit had one of each I really wouldn’t have minded two of the same for the reasons you say! I hope mine will be close they’re very close in age so who knows. Anyway all the best and I look forward to hearing about you’re new arrival as and when. Thanks for joining u at #familyfun xx

  • Mrsmummyharris86
    January 19, 2017

    When I was pregnant everyone was telling me it was going to be a boy and I was gutted. I really wanted a girl to dress up and dance with and go shopping with, have nails and pamper days etc. But at 20 weeks scan after they confirmed it was a boy they told us he might have Down Syndrome and it hit me that I didnt care that he was a boy just as long as he was healthy. But I am so happy he is a boy as he still loves dancing with me, he loves my taste in music and he is definately a mummys boy and I love it! #bloggerclubUK

  • Karen | Two Tiny Hands Blog
    January 20, 2017

    Both Dave and I are from a family with two kids, a boy and a girl. I’ve always wanted this for myself but having Robert and that 50% chance I could have a boy again is something I don’t really want to think about until we get the 2nd on the way!! I’ll definitely find out beforehand so I can get used to knowing and pick names and things. Thanks for linking up to #familyfun

  • Helena “TheQueenofCollage” Ash
    January 20, 2017

    Yes as the eldest of three girls I most definitely felt I could cope with a daughter better. Both girls were surprises to us. #FamilyFun

  • Brandi Puga (Big Fit Fam)
    January 21, 2017

    I wanted a girl for my first, got a girl for my second and was terrified of having another boy (my first was in terror mode) with my third. At our 20 week scan we found out my third would be a boy, but that he also had some problems….one kidney was bloated with fluid, there was fluid around his heart, and his chance of having down syndrome had increased to 1/300 vs 1/3000….Aside from some kidney issues he is a happy healthy 6 year old….but form this experience i learned that I literally DO NOT CARE if i have a boy or girl, as long as they are healthy. For my last two pregnancies we didn’t even bother to find out the gender….all i cared about was that there was nothing wrong on the scan…No matter what you get, you will have a beautiful baby and you will continue to be the wonderful mommy that you are already 😉

  • Jo -Mother of Teenagers
    January 21, 2017

    I only had a preference when it came to my second because I wanted what I didn’t already have and luckily it worked out – one of each. familyfun

  • Louise George
    January 22, 2017

    I always asserted that I had no preference at all first time around but in all honesty, I did have a slight leaning towards wanting a girl. Second time around though I had no preference at all – I loved the thought of having two the same and I also loved the thought of having one of each. I suspect if we decided to have a third child, then I would still feel the same – no preference either way.

  • MudpieFridays
    January 24, 2017

    I had a preference second time round and it won’t go away! Although Hubby is adamant that we are not having any more children so I am guessing I won’t every get my little girl. Not unless I can convince him! lol. Can’t wait to find out – sooo exciting. Thanks for joining us at #bloggerclubuk xx

  • katherine Thompson
    January 24, 2017

    I have 5 children and am pregnant with number 6. After having three boys first i was over the moon to have a little girl for my fourth and, without a doubt she had lived up to everything I had expected (good and bad). I then went on to have another boy and am expecting another little lad in April.
    I wouldn’t change my princess for the world but If you are too ask me if I could only have one sex what would it be… A boy, definatly xxx

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