
Iâm sure Iâm not alone in having had expectations of what I would get up to with my baby while I was on maternity leave - not only would I find the time to get outside in the garden while my baby happily bounced away in their vibrating bouncer, we would do all manner of activities. Baby sensory classes, baby yoga, baby massage, messy play sessions, baby swimming - we were going to do it all!
One of the activities I was most excited about was baby swimming. Iâd loved to swim as a child, and as my husband isnât a hugely confident swimmer, we felt it would be great to introduce Max to the water early on. I was entranced by the wonderful underwater photos of swimming babies and eagerly waited on the phone on hold on registration day to book our place.
But the reality was that Max didnât take to the water like Iâd hoped. The only session Iâd been able to book him on was not at an ideal time for him as heâd normally be napping (not something that was an issue when I booked but his routine changed in between). And more than that, the huge emphasis that our class had on underwater swimming did not sit well with Max. He would come up spluttering every time, and it was clear that he wasnât a fan of this part of the lesson at all. And if Iâm honest, Iâm not sure me or his Dad were great fans either!
But we persisted with the lessons for two terms, because weâd paid and theyâre expensive, and, after much struggling, we did manage to get our lovely underwater photo.
Max has always been a sensitive baby, but it wasnât until I read Tracy Hoggâs The Baby Whisperer that I felt I understood him more. He falls very neatly into Tracyâs ‘touchy babyâ category - being easily upset by changes in environment, different people, and changes to routine. The book really resonated with me (of course there were some parts that I disagreed with, but thatâs a separate post) - her descriptions of ‘touchy babyâ behaviour really chimed with my experience of Max.
Max is a child of extremes - heâs either very happy and a real pleasure to be around, or heâs whiny, clingy and crying. And more often than not, itâs in unfamiliar situations that he tends towards the fussier end of the scale.
Once I accepted Max for who he was, I found that things became a lot easier. If we were going to be put in a new environment, then I would be more prepared for him to be a bit fussy and clingy at first and not resent it when this happened. It was clear that swimming was not working for Max - the lessons were held in a hotel pool, with a section roped off for the hotel guests, so they were noisy, and the water was often not as warm as it could have been, so it was clear that, despite his wetsuit, Maxâs lips would be trembling from the cold. We stopped the swimming lessons, with the view that we might start up again when Max was a bit older, and decided that we would just take him ourselves in the meantime.
I tried to choose activities which were more closely aligned with what Max enjoys. As well as not being a swimming fan, he was also not a fan of any kind of messy play, which ruled out lots of other activities too. But he loves music, so we do a weekly music class, run by Monkey Music, and itâs been lovely to watch him come out of himself in those classes over the year and a half weâve now been going. Itâs taken a long time, but itâs clear now that he really enjoys it - heâs really excited when I say thatâs where weâre going, heâs really engaged with all of the songs, and is fully involved in playing the various musical instruments.
And as time has gone on, weâve returned to swimming - not with lessons, but by taking Max to our local pool and just bobbing around. He now loves the water and is becoming more confident with each visit. And no thrusting under the water from us!
May 5, 2016
Max sounds like Youngest. She is very similar can be the happiest or the most miserable clingy child. No inbetween it seems! Max sounds adorable though ð #coolmumclub
May 5, 2016
Ah, he is adorable to be fair! Itâs just, you know, when heâs not!
May 5, 2016
I can really relate to this. My daughter was (and still can be) really fussy - I would go to mum groups and notice how calm other babies seemed in comparison, and it felt awful. What changed things for me was coming across the term ‘high-needs babyâ - some babies just need…more. They donât like to sit still, they need help to fall asleep and they can be very demanding, but itâs just their personality. Once I accepted my daughter for who she was and stopped trying to force her to do things she hated (like sitting quietly in a cafe), I think we were both a lot happier. #coolmumclub
May 5, 2016
I think it was reading about ‘high needs babiesâ that clicked with me too, as well as the ‘touchy babyâ. He was definitely a high needs baby, (I very clearly remember sitting in mum and baby groups with Max screaming while the others all just burbled or slept!) and although heâs got easier as a toddler, heâs still a lot more fussy than others I think itâs fair to say. I too quickly abandoned those quiet coffees fairly early on! Thanks for commenting - itâs good to know youâre not alone!
May 5, 2016
Ahh bless him! I agree, youâve got to go with your child and what they want to do. Glad to hear Max is now enjoying the water on his own terms!! #CoolMumClub x
May 5, 2016
Thanks Cheryl - itâs amazing how much heâs enjoying it now, given how much he used to hate it!
May 5, 2016
I love this! Itâs so true you have all these preconceptions about what your baby will be like, I think itâs worse with your second because you assume theyâll be exactly like your first. I like the baby whisperer too, it made a lot of sense to me, although Iâve always been rubbish at getting my babies into any kind of routine when I tried to put it in practice haha. So we donât do the routine side but the picking up on your babyâs cues I love.
May 5, 2016
Iâm glad to hear The Baby Whisperer helped you too! To be honest, Max is far more routine led than Iâd really like - he had no concept of the need for daytime sleep so I had to work so hard on establishing a routine I think heâs ended up quite stuck to it! I was hoping it would be better with a second as well, as my expectations would be more realistic, haha! Iâm sure a second would have a whole new bag of tricks to throw at me, you know, just to mix it up!
May 5, 2016
This is very true - have never thought of it like this before! Our two girls have such different and distinctive personaities…one loves art, one loves music..itâs definitely been a case of finding out which activities best suit them.
Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub
May 7, 2016
Thanks for heading over and commenting. There are so many activities out there to choose from, it does make it easier to find the right one!
May 6, 2016
Thatâs a really interesting post, Iâd never heard of that book but certainly sounds like itâs worth a read. Im Glad youâve found an activity he enjoys, I took my little one swimming and she liked it, didnât love it. It didnât hate it but she too was always freezing after with blue lips and I ugly it canât be worth it, for the time being anyway. Definitely to be resumed at s later date though xx #coolmumclub
May 7, 2016
Totally agree - I think itâs a lot of hassle if itâs clear that theyâre not actually enjoying it! Weâll definitely start up lessons again in future, but for now weâre happy just to bob around. Thanks for stopping by and commenting.
May 7, 2016
Iâve never read that book but it sounds really interesting and really helpful with trying to identify the things that your baby likes and dislikes. Parenting never quite meets up to those expectations we have of it before our little ones arrive, does it? Glad that Max is enjoying swimming now and that he enjoys doing Monkey Music too ð
May 8, 2016
Thanks Louise! I guess itâs inevitable that we have all these ideas of what weâll be like as a parent, but itâs easy to forget that that is likely to all be turned on itâs head when you throw in another little personality into the mix! We love our Monkey Music classes - Max loves to bang a drum!
May 8, 2016
I had that baby book with Evangeline when she was young but I didnât read it and I wish I had. I love the message here though and just accepting what type of baby and child they are and bringing them out more with activities that resonate with them a lot more.Itâs great he now enjoys the water a lot more! #kcacols
May 8, 2016
Thanks Kayleigh - Iâm so glad heâs enjoying the swimming more now, I really want him to be comfortable in the water, I think itâs so important.
May 8, 2016
What an interesting post. I havenât come across this book but will look it up. We took out little girl swimming and she was completely apathetic - I have no idea if she liked it or not, itâs so difficult when they canât tell you. Glad sheâs enjoying it now #KCACOLS
May 8, 2016
Thanks for stopping by and commenting Michelle. I guess apathetic is better than hating it! But when the lessons cost so much, it would be nice to have a bit more of a positive reception, wouldnât it!
May 8, 2016
Love this! Havenât read the book but Iâll have a gander. I think so much emphasis is based on moulding children nowadays that sometimes we forget that they are little people too. #KCACOLS
May 8, 2016
Thanks Laura. I do really try to give Max the space to be himself, while supporting him (I donât always succeed!). But understanding his personality a bit more has made me more sensitive and accommodating I think. And a bit less easily frustrated!
May 8, 2016
I find it fascinating watching Pigletâs personality develop and the things heâs interested in. We have been going swimming since he was 10 weeks old, and I have definitely noticed “phases.” Heâs gone from being chilled and non-plussed, to happy, to miserable and now back to happy again. I canât wait to see what activities he chooses when heâs old enough to express a preference! #KCACOLS
May 10, 2016
Iâm glad he seems to be enjoying the swimming again! I do think phases seem to be common with swimming - we just never seemed to have a phase initially where it was popular!
May 10, 2016
I have never hard of that book. but one i think i will find out. xx
#KCACOLS
May 10, 2016
Thanks Rachel - I do recommend it in general, itâs a little bit American self-help ish (despite being written by an English lady), so depends if that puts you off! There is a toddler version too which Iâve found quite helpful lately!
May 10, 2016
I am exactly the same with my son. We had issues with him trying to escape from a playgroup once he started to walk! I made the decision that he was not happy being there and chose to buy season tickets for country parks and get him outdoors doing what he loves. He just is not into classes and I am not gonna make him do something he doesnât want to do and waste my money. More people should look at their children like this. I see so many Mums dragging their lil ones off to every class going because they think it stimulates them and will progress them, when in fact it can exhaust them and upset them. We are all different people and have different interests- this starts very young and is clear to see.
May 10, 2016
Thanks so much for reading and commenting Emma. It sounds like your son is having a ball and youâre doing completely the right thing for him! I do think classes arenât for every child - the structured setup I think asks a lot of little children - and I know I spent a long time wondering if there was something ‘wrongâ with Max because he didnât have any interest or patience for them. Certainly he hated anything sensory or messy, which is what most people seem to do with their little ones. In general he much prefers to be outdoors exploring, or puzzling with things (heâs a bit of a professor!), so thatâs what we spend most of our time doing!
May 12, 2016
what an interesting post. and an interesting book - Iâve never heard of it but I fully embrace the idea! Every child is so different and itâs almost about empathising with your child also - we are so convinced that our offspring will be just like us but more often than not this is not the case - empathy is tricky though when dealing with toddlers but so important to understand where they are coming from and how they feel about a situation #KCACOLS
May 12, 2016
We used the Baby Whisperer with when my eldest was born but we were lucky he was pretty chilled out. It wasnât until I had my second that I quickly realised how different two babies can be!
Iâm glad youâve found something he enjoys though.
Thank you for linking up to #KCACOLS and I hope to see you back again on sunday x
May 13, 2016
I really liked the baby whisperer book when my son was a baby, I found it nice and reassuring! I like books that explain this idea that all babies are different and so thereâs not one technique or approach that will work for every single baby, it really is all about learning who your child is and what they need. x #KCACOLS